The Break Up Guide For Men
I have been through it, and almost every person on the planet has been through a break up, it is normal. The funny thing is, even though we know it is normal, we still feel hurt because YOU are going through the experience. This will be the single guide you will ever need to recover from a break up like a champ. I use to adore the girl I was with, things didn’t go well and it ended, we planned to have kids and get married. I was destroyed. I systematically had to get over her.
Think but don’t over think
It is completely healthy, to think about the mistakes that were made, but do not obsess over it. We also have a tendency to view our past relationships with “rose colored lenses” meaning that we make it seem like the woman was perfect. Try to examine it objectively, the good and the bad. Thinking back on the failed relationship always brings the “it was your fault, or her fault!”. You blame yourself, Or you blame the other person I don’t believe it’s good to blame one person of the toxic things that happened. If she were completely responsible for everything toxic in the relationship, wouldn’t you have been the person initiating the break-up?
Learn from it so it doesn’t happen again. For example if you know that you would get jealous for any little thing that happens, take a note of that and make sure it NEVER happens again.
Remove the mental triggers
Pictures of her, that shitty watch she gave you but you loved, either burn that away, or keep it in a place where you won’t be seeing it for a couple of months. It’s hard to move on when you have constant reminders of the failed relationships. Try to refrain from places that remind you of her. You will only be pouring salt on your wounded heart. There are some couples who can walk away from a relationship, and remain friends and continue to spend time together. I believe it’s fine to be friends but make sure you set boundaries. If you have a child with her, then set boundaries as well. When I attempted to do this, I failed miserably. It’s hard to get over a person that you are still constantly seeing and that you once shared something “special” with.
It is okay, to cry, to feel like shit when it’s over. Don’t suppress your emotions, hit the gym, get a punching bag or go to a private place where you can just fucking scream and let go of all that tension and shitty emotions floating in you. Suppressing your emotions and trying to be some sort of “alpha male” for not crying when you feel like crying will lead to more problems down the line. I am a firm believer that when we suppress our emotions too much, it can bring sickness and depression.
Try to set a limit on your grieving. You don’t want to still be grieving two years later while you missed a perfect opportunity, with a beautiful girl that actually liked you.
Apply what you’ve learned from this breakup to your next relationship
All the mistakes you made, learn from it and use it on your future relationship. We cannot predict the relationship of anyone but we can increase our success rate by learning from our past.
Do not try to get her back
Unless you have had sex with other women, and you are completely 100% over will it EVER be okay to try to get her back. If you start texting her a couple months after the relationship is over, it will seem needy, she will see you as a weak person and she will rationalize the break up into “it was worth it, he’s a loser”. A lot of women like validation, so you will probably boosting her ego, while yours is being driven through the pits of hell.
Practice the art of accepting wherever you are in life. Everything that has ever happened to you and just accept it. Meditation can change your life, if done consistently. Silence does not equal loneliness. Silence equals inner peace. And inner peace is strength. Meditation reduces stress and anxiety by making you not over think. Focusing on the past and future forces us to stay stuck in an endless loop of pain, and will delay the healing process. Stay present in the moment and let the emotional wounds to heal naturally.
No relationship, no matter how bad it may have been, can be considered a “failure” if you grew as a person from the experience.
“As he thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.” ~James Allen
Gain Massive Momentum
Use the pain you feel to gain momentum in life and do something different. Workout, start a business and meet more women. Maybe the pain you feel might inspire you to explore the world and start traveling. If you ever start to feel lonely, don’t be afraid to try and strengthen a weak friendship or build new ones. There are plenty people everywhere and I truly believe that all of us are worth getting to know.
What you do today, determines what you will be in your future. Start being proactive now. It is never too late to rewrite the plot of your own life.
Most people are unhappy because of expectations’ I had created a picture in my head of how my ex should be and when things didn’t turn out, I didn’t cope. The same thing goes for life, almost nothing in life happens exactly has we expect it to happen in our mind. This does not mean we should not have any expectations but if we want to be content, we need to accept the hard times and at the same time trusting for something better in the future.
So keep reminding yourself constantly that even when you try so hard to build a life that you want, the universe might decide otherwise. How you choose to respond to whatever comes your way is what matters, that’s really what life’s all about.
Feel free to leave your comments. We are 100% judgement free.